remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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