if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
