Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
