Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
