i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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