I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is my gift to your gina
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
