party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
