true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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