I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
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My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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