community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry my hands just texted you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
