i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
