Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize