I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
