Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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