Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
