absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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