Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
