sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
