I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
