Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
