I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
