Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
