between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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