if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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