remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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