my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
