I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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