He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
