he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
