Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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