You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
