He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
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He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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