I cannot find my penis.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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