I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
