dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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