Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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