Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
