there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
