He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
