Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
