You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
third nipple confirmed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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