so explain again why im purple
no
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
