i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
