hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
