I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Panties = found
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
