Christians are straight up FREAKS
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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