winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
