I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
