do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
