two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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