Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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