Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
