I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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