can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
