Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
