I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize