Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
