Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
