Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
